MATTHEW 1:1-16 | ASYMMETRICAL MOTHERHOOD

ASYMMETRICAL MOTHERHOOD

MATTHEW 1:1-16

MAY 8, 2016

I HAD ONLY BEEN AT MY FIRST CHURCH A COUPLE OF MONTHS WHEN IT CAME TIME FOR MOTHER’S DAY.  THE WORSHIP COMMITTEE WAS PLANNING FOR THE SERVICE, WHEN I COULD TELL THERE WAS A CERTAIN UNEASINESS IN THE ROOM.

“WHAT’S GOING ON?”  I ASKED.  “WELL… (LONG PAUSE) YOU SEE… (ANOTHER LONG PAUSE) IT’S ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR…

“WHAT HAPPENED?”  WELL, WE DECIDED TO HONOR SOME OF THE MOTHERS WITH SPECIAL GIFTS… THE MOTHER WHO HAD COME FROM FARTHEST AWAY… THE MOTHER WITH THE MOST CHILDREN… THE OLDEST MOTHER… (ANOTHER LONG PAUSE)

AND WHEN IT CAME TIME TO CELEBRATE THE NEWEST MOTHER… WELL, IT WAS A YOUNG, UNWED MOTHER, AND WELL, IT WAS KIND OF AWKWARD…

AND WE HEARD ABOUT IT FROM SOME PEOPLE; HOW SOME THOUGHT IT WASN’T RIGHT TO HONOR AN UNWED MOTHER…

THIS WAS 1983, BY THE WAY.  IT WAS ASYMMETRICAL MOTHERHOOD.

THERE ARE TWO GENEALOGIES OF JESUS IN THE NEW TESTAMENT – ONE IN THE GOSPEL OF LUKE, AND THE OTHER IN THE GOSPEL OF MATTHEW WHICH I READ A MOMENT AGO.

IN THE LISTING OF NAMES IN THE GOSPEL OF LUKE, NO WOMEN ARE MENTIONED.  IN THE GOSPEL OF MATTHEW, FIVE WOMEN ARE MENTIONED.

ONLY FIVE, BY THE WAY, DESPITE THE FACT THAT THE WOMEN, THE MOTHERS, WERE KIND OF ESSENTIAL TO MAKING EACH SUCCESSIVE GENERATION HAPPEN.

JUST FIVE ARE MENTIONED: TAMAR, RAHAB, RUTH, THE WIFE OF URIAH, AND MARY, THE MOTHER OF JESUS.

TAMAR WAS MARRIED TO ER, WHO DIED YOUNG.  TAMAR REMAINED A WIDOW FOR SEVERAL YEARS, BUT ER’S BROTHER ONAN REFUSED TO MARRY HER, AS WAS THE CUSTOM.

YOU SEE, A BROTHER WOULD MARRY HIS BROTHER’S WIDOW SO AS TO GIVE HER CHILDREN, AND PERPETUATE HIS BROTHER’S LINEAGE.

BECAUSE ONAN REFUSED TO MARRY TAMAR, SHE GREW IMPATIENT.

SO, DISGUISING HERSELF AS A PROSTITUTE, SHE WENT TO JUDAH, HER FATHER-IN-LAW AND SEDUCED HIM; SHE WOUND UP PREGNANT, GIVING BIRTH TO TWINS, PEREZ AND ZERAH; PEREZ BECOMING THE MANY TIMES REMOVED GREAT GRANDFATHER OF JESUS.

RAHAB, YOU WILL REMEMBER WE MENTIONED LAST SUNDAY AS THE ONE WHO ENABLED JOSHUA TO SPY ON THE INHABITANTS OF THE PROMISED LAND PRIOR TO ISRAEL’S TAKING THE LAND.

RAHAB WAS A PROSTITUTE AND IT WAS IN HER HOME IN THE RED LIGHT DISTRICT OF JERICHO THAT SHE HID JOSHUA FROM THE ENEMIES WHO WERE PURSUING HIM, LOOKING TO KILL HIM.

WHEN ISRAEL’S TAKEOVER OF THE PROMISED LAND OCCURRED RAHAB WAS ONE OF THE FEW PEOPLE SPARED FROM DEATH; A REWARD FOR EARLIER ASSISTANCE; LATER SHE MARRIED SALMON, THE FATHER OF BOAZ, ANOTHER OF JESUS’ GREAT, GREAT, GREAT GRANDFATHERS.

BOAZ MARRIED RUTH, WITH THE HELP OF HER FORMER MOTHER-IN-LAW NAOMI, WHOSE SON HAD BEEN RUTH’S HUSBAND BEFORE HE DIED…

IT WAS NAOMI WHO CONVINCED RUTH TO SLEEP WITH BOAZ, EVENTUALLY MARRYING HIM, AND ONCE AGAIN, THEY WERE – JESUS’ MANY TIMES OVER GREAT, GREAT-GRAND PARENTS.

THE FOURTH WOMAN MENTIONED IN OUR LIST IS DAVID’S WIFE REFERRED TO HERE AS “THE WIFE OR URIAH” WHO WE KNOW, OF COURSE, BETTER, AS BATHSHEBA.

DAVID USED TO SPY ON BATHSHEBA WHILE SHE BATHED OUTSIDE IN THE GARDEN.  IT WAS THEN THAT DAVID DREW UP HIS ELABORATE PLAN TO HAVE ONE OF HIS GENERALS PLACE URIAH, HER HUSBAND, ON THE FRONTLINES OF A BATTLE IN WHICH HE WAS ALMOST CERTAIN TO BE KILLED, AND HE WAS.

WITH URIAH OUT OF THE PICTURE, DAVID STEPPED IN AND TOOK URIAH’S WIFE AS HIS OWN.

IT WAS THE PROPHET NATHAN WHO CHALLENGED OLD KING DAVID ON HIS LUST, HIS DECEPTION, HIS KILLING OF URIAH, AND HIS STEALING OF URIAH’S WIFE, WITH THE RESULT BEING THAT DAVID AND BATHSHEBA’S FIRSTBORN SON DIED SHORTLY AFTER BIRTH.

IT WAS DAVID AND BATHSHEBA’S SECOND CHILD, SOLOMON, WHO LATER BECAME KING, AND YES, ANOTHER OF JESUS’ GREAT, GREAT GRANDFATHERS.

THE FINAL WOMAN MENTIONED IN MATTHEW’S GENEALOGY OF JESUS IS MARY, HIS UNWED MOTHER.

BETROTHED TO JOSEPH, YES; BUT WHO THROUGH NO FAULT OF HIS, MARY WAS PREGNANT WITH THE SON OF GOD, THE SAVIOR OF THE WORLD.

FIVE WOMEN FROM JESUS’ GENEALOGY.  ASYMMETRICAL MOTHERHOOD.

MANY YEARS AGO I GAVE MY MOTHER ONE OF THOSE BLANK BOOKS AND ASKED HER TO WRITE SOMETHING.  WHAT SHE WOUND UP DOING WAS FILLING IT WITH ALL SORTS OF HER FAVORITE QUOTES, SONGS, STORIES, MEMORIES, THINGS FROM HER CHILDHOOD, THINGS FROM OUR CHILDHOOD, ETC.

AT LEAST THREE OF THEM HAD TO DO WITH MOTHERHOOD, AND I’D LIKE TO SHARE THEM WITH YOU THIS MORNING. IT WAS 15 YEARS AGO THAT MY MOTHER DIED.

THE FIRST WAS A PAPER I HAD WRITTEN FOR SCHOOL WHEN I WAS NINE OR TEN YEARS OLD, ENTITLED:

MY FAVORITE PERSON

MY FAVORITE PERSON IS MY MOTHER. SHE HELPS ME WITH HOMEWORK, SHE COOKS, CLEANS, IRONS, AND SHE TAKES CARE OF EVERYONE. SHE IS UNDERSTANDING AND UNDERSTANDS WHEN I DO BAD AND WHEN I DO GOOD WHICH IS MOST OF THE TIME.  SHE IS VERY SMART AND VERY NICE. WHEN I GET HURT SHE’S ALWAYS THERE WHERE I WANT HER. SHE CAN COOK VERY GOOD AND SEW VERY GOOD TOO. I WOULDN’T TRADE HER FOR THE WHOLE WORLD CAUSE SHE MEANS A LOT TO ME. SO SHE IS MY FAVORITE PERSON. OF COURSE, I DO LIKE ALMOST EVERYONE, BUT SHE IS MY FAVORITE.

A SECOND WRITING MY MOTHER INCLUDED IN HER BOOK IS SOMETHING SHE MUST HAVE SEEN OR READ SOMEWHERE ALONG THE WAY, AND LIKED IT ENOUGH TO REMEMBER IT AND TO KEEP IT ALL THESE YEARS.

IT IS ENTITLED: MY OWN CHILD.  SUBTITLED: FOR ADOPTIVE PARENTS

I DID NOT PLANT YOU,

TRUE.

BUT WHEN THE SEASON IS DONE –

WHEN THE ALTERNATE PRAYERS FOR SUN

AND FOR RAIN ARE COUNTED –

WHEN THE PAIN OF WEEDING

AND THE PRIDE OF WATCHING ARE THROUGH –

THEN I WILL HOLD YOU HIGH.

A SHINING SHEAF ABOVE THE THOUSAND

SEEDS GROWN WILD.

NOT MY PLANTING,

BUT MY HEAVEN,

MY HARVEST –

 MY OWN CHILD!

AND THEN THERE WAS THIS POEM SHE RECORDED IN HER WRITINGS.  IT IS ENTITLED:

OLD TEARS IN GALILEE

NO WOMAN THAT EVER BORE A CHILD,

AND WORSHIPPED HIS EYES AND

THE WAY HE SMILED.

AND ACHED WITH PRIDE AT HIS FIRST CLEAR WORD;

WHO BOUND UP HIS HURTS AND LOVED HIS ABSURD

FIERCE CONCENTRATION, WATCHING A SPIDER.

WHO SAW HIM GROW TILL HE STOOD BESIDE HER,

STRAIGHT AND TALL AS A MOUNTAIN PINE;

NO WOMAN WHO HAD A SON LIKE MINE

EVER BELIEVED THAT OUGHT THAN GOOD

COULD COME TO THIS FRUIT OF HER MOTHERHOOD.

NO WOMAN EVER BELIEVED… NOT I!

THAT THIS LIFE OF HER LIFE WAS BORN TO DIE

AS MINE, GOING DOWN FROM NAZARETH

TO JERUSALEM AND SORROW AND DEATH.

SOME SAY HE WAS WRONG,

SOME SAY HE WAS RIGHT,

IN THE THING THAT HE DID

THAT DARK SPRING NIGHT.

I ONLY KNOW WHAT’S DONE IS DONE,

AND I WEEP FOR JUDAS,

WEEP FOR MY SON.

ASYMMETRICAL MOTHERHOOD.

SYMMETRY IS ABOUT BEING MEASURED TOGETHER; A SIMILARITY OF FORM OR ARRANGEMENT; TWO THINGS BEING ALIKE.

1. CARL DYER, AN ORTHOPEDIST, AND ONE OF THE FINEST CHRISTIAN MEN I’VE EVER KNOWN, USED TO SAY THAT GOD GAVE US TWO OF MOST BODY PARTS SO THAT WE COULD COMPARE THEM.

TWO EYES, TWO ARMS, TWO HANDS, TWO LEGS, TWO FEET, ETC. AND OFTEN, WHEN EXAMINING YOU, THE FIRST THING HE WOULD DO WAS COMPARE YOUR “GOOD” KNEE, ELBOW, HAND, ETC. WITH THE “BAD” KNEE, ELBOW, HAND, ETC. THE ONE THAT WAS GIVING YOU TROUBLE.

BY COMPARING THE TWO HE COULD OFTEN TELL SOMETHING OF WHAT WAS GOING ON AND WHETHER OR NOT TO ORDER ADDITIONAL TESTS, ETC.

BY ASYMMETRICAL MOTHERHOOD I AM SUGGESTING JUST THE OPPOSITE;

THAT ALL MOTHERS ARE NOT ALIKE; THAT MOTHERS, LIKE ALL PEOPLE, OUGHT NOT BE COMPARED ONE AGAINST ANOTHER.

THAT JUDGING MOTHERS, OR MOTHERHOOD, ON THE BASIS OF SOME IDEAL, SOME STANDARD, SOME COOKIE-CUTTER IMAGE IS UNHELPFUL, AT BEST;

AND UNFAIR, AT WORST.

MOTHERS COME IN ALL SHAPES AND SIZES, ALL COLORS AND SHADES, ALL TYPES AND TEMPERAMENTS, ALL AGES AND STATES OF BEING.

THERE ARE MARRIED MOTHERS, UNMARRIED MOTHERS, STRAIGHT MOTHERS, AND GAY MOTHERS.

THERE ARE BIRTH MOTHERS, AND SURROGATE MOTHERS HELPING OTHER FAMILIES TO HAVE CHILDREN; THERE ARE ADOPTIVE MOTHERS.

THERE ARE STEP-MOTHERS, FOSTER-MOTHERS, MOTHERS-IN-LAW, GOD-MOTHERS, AND A FAIR NUMBER OF “FAIRY-GOD MOTHERS” WHO SEEM TO STEP INTO OUR LIVES, MOTHERS OR NOT, AND HELP US ALONG THE WAY.

THIS IS WHAT I WAS HOPING THE VARIED DESCRIPTIONS OF THE FIVE MOTHERS NAMED IN JESUS’ GENEALOGY WOULD HELP US UNDERSTAND.

WHAT MY TRIBUTE TO MY OWN MOTHER, AND HER TRIBUTES TO ADOPTIVE MOTHERS, AND EVEN JUDAS’ MOTHER, WOULD HELP US UNDERSTAND.

A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO SUSAN KLEBOLD, THE MOTHER OF DYLAN KLEBOLD, WHO ALONG WITH ERIC HARRIS, SHOT AND KILLED 13 HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS AT COLUMBINE HIGH SCHOOL BACK IN 1999 BEGAN APPEARING IN PUBLIC AGAIN.

SEVENTEEN YEARS AFTER THE FACT SHE HAS WRITTEN A BOOK ENTITLED: I WILL NEVER KNOW WHY, THE PROCEEDS OF WHICH SHE IS DONATING TO MENTAL HEALTH ORGANIZATIONS.

SHE HAS APPEARED ON NEWS SHOWS LIKE 60 MINUTES, 20/20, AND OTHERS, TRYING TO UNDERSTAND, STRUGGLING TO UNDERSTAND, AND EXPLAIN WHAT HER SON DID; AND WHY; AND HOW THEY EVER GOT TO THAT PLACE.

SHE IS TELLING HER STORY, THEIR STORY, AS A CAUTIONARY TALE AGAINST FUTURE TRAGEDIES SUCH AS THIS; HOPING THAT WHAT SOMEONE HEARS FROM HER WILL HELP THEM WITH THEIR TROUBLED CHILD BEFORE IT IS TOO LATE.

AGAIN, ASYMMETRICAL MOTHERHOOD.

ON THIS MOTHER’S DAY WHEN WE CELEBRATE OUR MOTHERS, HONORING THEM OR THEIR MEMORY;

REMEMBERING THEM, GRIEVING THEM GONE, AND YES, FOR SOME OF US, EVEN PAINFULLY REGRETTING THEM IN SOME WAYS, LET THERE BE LESS IN THE WAY OF COMPARING; OF JUDGING; OF BLAMING;

AND PERHAPS MORE IN THE WAY OF UNDERSTANDING AND FORGIVING.

IF IT’S LOVE AND APPRECIATION WE NEED TO EXPRESS, LET’S DO THAT.

IF IT’S FORGIVENESS ASKED, OR NEEDING TO BE OFFERED, LET IT BE SO.

IF IT’S GRIEF, SADNESS, SORROW, OR DESPAIR WITH WHICH WE NEED TO DEAL, DO IT NOW.

IF IT IS RECONCILIATION WE SEEK, STEP UP AND MAKE IT SO;

IF IT IS GOODBYE THAT NEEDS TO BE SAID, SAY IT WITH LOVE;

IF IT IS TOLERANCE, ACCEPTANCE, AND INCLUSION OF MOTHERS ASYMMETRICAL TO OUR OWN, THEN LET IT BE DONE IN WAYS WE OURSELVES WOULD LIKE TO BE TREATED.  THINK: THE GOLDEN RULE.

MOTHERS ARE NOT PERFECT – IT’S NICE WHEN LITTLE BOYS AND LITTLE GIRLS THINK THEIR MOTHERS ARE;

BUT LIKE THE REST OF US, MOTHERS ARE PEOPLE TOO.

MAYBE THIS IS WHY THE AUTHOR OF THE GOSPEL OF MATTHEW CHOSE THE FIVE MOTHERS HE DID;

TO REMIND US THAT THE ONE AND ONLY PERFECT PERSON EVER…

CAME FROM A LONG LINE OF PEOPLE, MOTHERS AND FATHERS, WHO WERE NOT.